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GOOD AFTEAHNOON EVRAHBAHDDDY
Welcome to hammer factor S2 E1!
Today’s show is indeed star-studded, with special guests Evan Garcia and Rush Sturgis. More on that very soon.
We’re also recording late- 6pm EST which means that weld is half in the bag and working on his 4th Rob Roy, Geltman has had several hours to focus on “Zinke!” his new men’s body spray and Grace is just settling into the recliner with a 6 pack while Chelsea prepares the hungry man dinners for the oven (Salisbury steak, mashed potatoes, mixed vegetables and cherry cobbler). By “prepare” I mean she’s peeling back the desert foil while pulling a fouled spark plug out of the mouth of one of the twins.

Lets catch up, shall we?
Jessica Fox lays down what might be considered to be the “perfect run” in the w’s k1 worlds, rebounding from a less-than-perfect w’s C1 run the day before. Ian Van Stoutmeister is now so deeply in love with Ms. Fox he can barley stand up. The run is very much worth the watch if US whitewater paddlers want to see exactly how not to catch an eddy like “an American”
Speaking of non-american eddy turns, Noria “the French BroadTM” Neuman continues her tear on the whitewater circuit by clenching the womens sickline title. And some dudes did some paddling too. Thoughts on this? Looks like no US women made the top 5 and only 2 men made the top 16. Is this because it’s in Europe or are Europeans just better at racing, period?
Speaking of the US and racing, Geoff Calhoun is quietly building a pipe bomb to mail to each of the 3 Hammer Factor hosts if we snub his beloved great falls race one more time. So lets just get this over with.
There is a race on Great Falls every year. It’s not a bad race. Jason Beaks might be the most interesting thing about that race, and not necessarily in a good way.
OK. Done.
Weld went to the Gauley for the 4th weekend in a row, and witnessed some very un-inspiring surfboard surfing at Diagonal Ledges. Question: would they be there doing that if there was nobody watching them? Answer: come on a Friday and see for yourself. Can we just agree that if it’s not in a 9ft kayak and it’s not class V, it should be forcibly removed from the river?
What have Mr. Geltman and Grace been up to?
THE GELTMAN NO-SPIN ZONE
Louis is very close to releasing his “love note in a spray bottle” to Ry-Ry (The smell of entering a freshly-cleaned private jet with hints of saddle leather and patriotism), but like most spurned lovers, he also is working to tear him apart. Geltman- what we gots?
We’re already behind schedule. Can we please bring on the first guest?
Introducing the esteemed Mr. Evan Garcia who will now take a few minutes to set the paddling world straight on a few things. First, lets clear up the close handed “razor scooter” grip thing. Max Blackburn claims you are the start of this technique in the pursuit of “laying treats”. The paddling world deserves…no…Demands a response. Say it aint so! Speaking of “laying treats”. As the chief lexicographer of paddling terms, we’d like to have you weigh in on a few terms, and deem them dead or alive:
• Double Church • Brown Claw
• Laying treats
• Stout
• anything else we’re missing?
Also a few months ago, you mentioned ‘getting yeasted’ in a hole.. or at least thats what I heard. Did you say that or did I hear it wrong? If I heard it wrong, certainly couldn’t we make that a term? I mean seriously… getting ‘yeasted’??!!
And you can plug anything else you have going on.
OH SHIT. We’re already at 45 minutes. Get Rush on pronto.
Moving right along, we have none other than Rush Sturges, here to talk about what we all know exists but are afraid to talk about. Paddling “crews” or is it “crewz”. Grace has been gushing over some privileged white boys from suburban atlanta that call themselves the Longcreek (ahem) “Gangstas” like he’s a 12 year old girl at a One Direction concert. Which got me thinking… what, exactly, is a paddling crew? I mean they exist- T-Dub, Balls Deep, Tits Deep, Young Guns, etc, etc, but what makes up a crew? White kids combining urban culture and wavewheels? A devil-may-care attitude? A good name? what ultimately kills the crew? Being 40 in a crew called the “Young Guns’? It also got me thinking about what these kids must have given Grace to plug them as hard as he is. I’m picturing a signed poster for Grace’s room. Well, in any case, Rush is here to straighten it out.
Since we have to mention the Longcreek (jesus) “Gangstas” or grace is going to burst a blood vessel, lets use them as an example about what constitutes a crew. Rush- what do you think they are doing wrong or right? Here’s a sample:

With all that in mind, could we please figure out who the best crew in the world is? Open call for submissions to the Crew contest. Send Videos and Social Media to: [email protected] and if we get any submissions, we’ll have Rush on next week to judge. If we don’t, then, well, we’ll get back to busting on 30 degree offsets and SUP.
Rush is also off to paddle in some place and make some video. Rush?
Rush stays on for rants and raves?
Wow. OK. Lets take a breather and prepare people for upcoming shows.
Coming soon, another “women’s takeover”. Maybe 2 weeks? Also, our new segment “Anonymous boat reviews”. Also, a discussion on the ‘vertical mile’ phenomena. How can everyday paddlers address this challenge? And much, much more…