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Holy Moly, its time to waste another hour and 15 minutes with the hammer factor crew.

Introductions, and lets catch up!

First, HF growth is exploding. Thank you everyone for listening. Grace is now being stopped in grocery stores and the kids clothing section of Goodwill. Are autographs next? Groupies? Are Graces kids going to get chiggers from the used pajamas? Are we ready for a live Hammer Factor? If you have a great kayaking event and want the hammer factor crew to show up and broadcast live, let us know, along with the airline and hotel you will be booking for us.

On to, as Cecil Addams calls them, “the Teaming Millions”. Opinions are like assholes- and kayakers have 3 of them.

About 50 people were chomping at the bit to let us know that AW has already created a ‘infinite’ rating system like the one we described. But you’d only know this if you were a complete nerd that actually read the AW web page past the river gauges. And isn’t this typical liberal government overreach? AW rating rapids?! rapid ratings- LIKE GAUGES- should be left up to the states. If California wants to have “trigger alerts” on their gauge page and measure rapids in number of species endangered, then so be it, but don’t hoist that pansy ass shit on the authentic patriots of west virginia. We gauge river levels on the number of toxic containment tanks that were breached during the storm. MAGA.
as a follow up question/comment, Nathan Woodward wrote us this:
So the whole once you get into class V there is a big range thing. My question is how do you guys differentiate what makes a class IV rapid and a class V rapid. 

Personally my threshold is consequences for a swim. Class IV = banged up swim. Class V = banged up from a swim, potential for getting really beat up or killed if it’s bad.

Samuel Haywood also wrote us an email about river ratings:

Weld is considering starting a kickstarter to get “yeasted” beyond the prototype stage. If it funds, he will bring the term yeasted to every paddler in the country, except Evan Garcia, who will be deported.
Several Euros wrote in to express disgust in Geltman’s POO POOing of the sickliness race. Writes Jan Choutka on youtube:

I think organizers of the sickline has done quite impressive job and impact of the whitewater paddling on a global/commercial scale is bigger than any other event in the world. Quality of atheletes highest too. I dont like the rules, I dont like restrictions on boat lenghts, and composite/plastic, I dont like banning the braap etc… But it is Olafs race. If you dont like it, dont do it. Or even better. Please make better event and I will race there.

Geltman- how do respond to this? Or are you just going to roll over and take it like a puddle of bitch? Weld is delighted that he had nothing to do with this, for once.
Quint Doan (really?) wrote in about the “candy darter” on the gauley. Mr. Doan uses terms like “stakeholders” and “impact” so he must be the real deal.
My question is most relevant to Louis Geltman, but I think all boaters should be interested in wildlife and fisheries. The US Fish and Wildlife service has petitioned the listing of the candy darter, a small fish native and still present in the Upper Gauley, as a threatened species under the Endangered Species Act. What are the hosts thoughts on endangered fish species on whitewater rivers?
Finally, Chris Gragtmans writes in with some spurious horse shit that if I didn’t know any better sounded a lot like a defense of SUP. None of which is worth repeating here.


Baring that scenario, we could discuss HR 3990. SNORE.


First up, the Green River Race Round Table, with the usual cast of clowns.

Geltman and Weld patiently bite their tongue jealous because neither of them can be at this year’s Green Race. Since this is a somewhat family-friendly show, and the legal dept is constantly warning us about slander suits, 40% of the commentary will be bleeped out.

The Guest List will include the likes of:
Issac Levinson
Jason Hale
Colin Hunt
Chris Gragtmans?
At the end of the nonsense, there is a toss to Hunt who will be coming back in a later episode to talk about Vertical Miles, and what that means to you, average boater from Ohio.

Next, We have MR. Sturges back for a recap of the CREWZ contest,

Which, by every measure, was a complete flop. We received ONE (1) submission from the Quebec crew, which by default should make them the best crew in the world. Nonetheless, If Rush would entertain this sillyness, he can also take a quick look at these other “crewz” to make it a real contest:
Grace’s beloved Long Creek “Gangstas”.
BDP- evidently, according to Grace, “they’re back”. Thank god.
Torryd or whatever the fuck that is. They should also get a mention for leaving IR for SWEET and COMING BACK, begging Max for a second chance after a year. #burnbridges
Jed Hawkes suggested via email that we look at the “freestyle river boarding canadians”as a Crew. Which made me wonder if Jed has actually ever listened to our podcast. He managed 4 strikes in 4 words- a perfect score. “Freestyle” “river boarding” and “Canadians”.
$porty Ripper Jam Squad. This is a real thing.
Any other currently active Crew that I am forgetting.

Wrapping up with a few odds and ends:

Ladies episode recording next week. Gonna be stellar.
The next show after the ladies show will be after the green race, so ease up on the hate mail if we’re a little late.
anything else?


see ya after the green race